I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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