Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
