I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
