Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Is it because I queefed?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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