there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
