Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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