wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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