i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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