i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
