Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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