glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
