I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is Oprah even human
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
