what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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