I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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