you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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