Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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