i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
