Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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