She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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