why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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