Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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