she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
