Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
