my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
