Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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