I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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