Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
