I'm laying in your front yard are you home
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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