Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
