I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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