I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
