She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
