I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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