We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
