This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
