It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
