Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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