I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
