he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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