NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
