Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
