i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
