i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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