problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
