Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
