Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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