Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
