...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
