Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
