i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
