Screwed.edu
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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