I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
