I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
